11/13/17

Affirmations and Self-Talk

 

As a tween in middle school, I had gone to the school library to borrow Anne McCaffreys "Dragon Riders of Pern," to be told I was not allowed to borrow the book because I was not part of the gifted program.  Again, in high school, during a social studies presentation where I'd explained just why I felt it was inappropriate it was to fear death due to other people's actions (the grade given was poor at best).  Again, going off to college taking a standardized test for reading only to be told I had to take a remedial course to attend a basic English class... In each one of these instances the message was... you are stupid, dumb, you don't know enough. 

 

This accompanied the general trend in my life where my parents tried unsuccessfully to shelter me from truths never knowing I was able to see what they hid from me.  (Yeah, my comprehension may have been from a child's perspective, which helped me form my own conclusions about life and the people in it.)  Those instances helped me form low opinion of myself, if you hear you're stupid often enough you'll believe it.  If you hear you're a bad wife, mother, etc over time you tend to believe it.  Most particularly when you keep running up against the same cycles.  Here's the rub, every time a teacher told me I was less than... (Every single time) a deep "FUCK YOU" came bubbling to the surface, and I proved them wrong, playing their game rather than being my genuine self.  By the time I got to college I was pulling off a 3.84 and being a member of as many clubs and societies I could qualify for.  I proved in was smart... but did I believe in myself? 

 

Honest thought here... posting these self-reflective notes terrify me.  Am I good enough to share these thoughts, are they correct, is my thought process absolute.  To use the vernacular of the day... "What the What?"   Here again negative self-talk, I am not good enough to express the introspective journey I went on to help others.  Just like me feeling not good enough for my ex because he chose multiple someone's over me, or a good enough mother because my children don't talk to me.  "What the What?!?!?!?"  So how do you identify that negative self-talk and change it to an affirmation?

 

Ask this:

• When the same thought pattern you have ignored (men don't really ignore they hear you) keeps creeping up, what is it saying to you about yourself?

• Are you really what you are saying to yourself (is this something someone projected on to you, is this conditioning from society, is it a general feeling you have had about yourself over your life)?

• Are you perfect, and a better question is anyone perfect?

• Do you fall and make mistakes sometimes, and is this a mistake or a learning experience?

• What are the words you tell yourself? 

• Can you change the negative to a positive thought about yourself?

• Is this negative something that is real, and can change about you (I have a hard time reading and comprehending at the same time, but I am NOT stupid.  Let's try this again...)

 

It takes some time to see the negative self-talk.  But it is particularly important to pay attention when it creeps in. It is a sign you are unhappy.