Conditioning – Waxing a Truth

I recently watched a short video where a woman was dipping a candle in assorted colors. When the wax had cooled to the perfect temperature, she sliced sideways down the side of the candle, peeling the layers and curling them to show the colors underneath. When finished, she had a decorative candle without adding other items to the external layers.

We can liken conditioning to the candle dipping woman. Repeatedly we were taught behaviors as children that would help us fit into societies mold. Each layer was a different norm that we were told we should fit into. In an overarching way, men are taught they should have no feelings be the breadwinner while protecting the family, while women are taught they should maintain the house while raising the children and being their spiritual guide. However, conditioning could be something as simple as not being allowed to write with your left hand, or dance in the mall because you liked the music.

One of the big ones for me, was that once married two people should never get divorced. It began with watching my mother cry for years after my parents were divorced, reinforced by the church we belonged who said the same thing, followed by growing up in a time where divorce was uncommon and if your parents where - you were an outcast, topped off with my first divorce, and followed by a second.

Asking yourself what you are conditioned to believe doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It’s a culmination of all the questions you have asked yourself up to now, (Why did it happen, who was responsible, where did I go wrong, can/could I do anything to fix it, is this choice correct?) and a wonderful sign of maturity. So how do you know what you were conditioned to believe?

Ask yourself these questions:

• What is the belief I have about the issue?

• Is the overarching issue a question of what I was taught as a child? (You may have to track your way backward from adulthood to childhood to find the root cause, in this way you also find the reinforcers of the belief system)

• Is that belief logical or based on a fictitious story you tell yourself you must have?

You’ve just sliced down the side of the candle and can now see all the glorious layers underneath the top layer all the way down to the core, showing you the deeper Ego issues you have. (When Absolem cries “Whooo are YOU?” you can say you’ve found one of your core pieces.)

Last Updated June 11, 2018

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