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Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

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On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

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Nice v.s. Kind

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Jun 30, 2018
  • 3 min read

Updated: Jul 3, 2018

I heard myself saying the words, “I was just trying to be nice!” Right there would have been my big clue – if I had been more present in the situation than I was. But meh – I was having an emotional response rather than responding to the event with curiosity. In the context of adjectives – there is a difference between the word ‘nice’ and the word ‘kind.’


Nice is defined as pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory, good natured, fine or subtle. Is origins come from Latin nescire or nescius meaning not know or ignorant, in Middle English ‘nice.’ Kind on the other hand is defined as having or showing a friendly, generous, considerate nature, used in polite requests, and is affectionate and loving. In Old English gecynde meant natural or native, and became in Middle English well disposed by nature, courteous, gentle, and benevolent. There is a distinction between the two words and that is what is hidden when you say or act nice and what is open and obvious when you say or act kind.



Temple of Tolerance - Mindful Kindness

I often hear and say the word nice, but the word kind seldom enters my vocabulary unless I am describing someone else. We act from the hidden place when we say nice, our shadow hides here. People use it as a by-word, a sound bite on what is occurring around them. When someone says what a wonderful day they are having, or a blessing has fallen upon them, my immediate response is “NICE!” as if that is a benediction to the event. Rather than being gentle, affectionate and loving I am sending out my own stupidity. How about me using the words, that’s wonderous, beautiful, excellent news!


Being kind, allows you to be authentic. You can speak your truths, ask in a kind way, be your natural self. There is no need to say I am kind. You just are, and therefore you seldom hear kind exit your lips. Kind is part of loving; thus, it is not boasting, full of pride, puffed up… etc. Like love, kind just IS, and it is part of BEING.


Attempting to eradicate the words, but, yet, however and nice is part of changing how I view the world in a positive light – so must I also change the way I behave in the world with a positive spin. How do I know when to do this?


Ask yourself this:

  • When you say the word ‘nice,’ are you responding just to be agreeable, satisfactory and have a fine or subtle hidden nature to the meaning behind it?

  • When you say the word ‘nice,’ is it uplifting or are there more meaningful words you can use to express how wonderful it is?

  • When you act nice, are you behaving in a manner that puts your needs on the back burner? (In short are allowing societal norms to get in the way of your needs)

  • When you act nice, are you placating someone else’s needs, rather than being the rebel and telling them truths in a loving way?


Behaving in a kind way, allows you to praise, use the spiritual 2x4 when necessary, have clear boundaries, and have empathy for the person you are speaking too. All I can think of right now is Kermit the Frog’s behavior with Miss Piggy. ‘It ain’t easy being green!’


Be your natural self my beautiful friends.


Last Updated June 30, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

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