Is THAT Your Story??

You aren't pretty or handsome because they chose someone other than you? You were never loved because they chose someone over you? You aren’t worth someone else’s affection because they chose someone over you?

If you went through the thing that I did and chose to stay in the hopes you would be chosen, and it further compounded the situation, you will need to realize a few things. First and foremost, realize it was your choice. Apparently, you needed to learn your worth. Second, understand you ARE NOT STUPID FOR MAKING THAT CHOICE. If you look deeply, it showed you how strongly you felt for that person, how much you loved them (even if your love wasn't the best kind you could have presented), how vulnerable you were willing to be with the person that wounded you to begin with.

Note the minute you decided to stay, you opened yourself up to the wounding because you needed to face something within you and grow beyond it. There's the rub, you could have changed within the framework of the relationship, or outside of it. If you couldn't grow together and grew apart - then it is time to get your ass out of it. Only I kept repeating the cycle - he'll love me if I stay. (Pfaugh) I had to look at it from a different perspective. ‘If he loved you, (really loved you) he would have seen all your faults, shadows, fears and loved you through them. His choice would not have been to look for someone else because it made him feel better.’ In a way, you kept loving them with all their faults, shadows, fears etc. because you saw their soul. You saw the good and the bad and hoped for the best even if you couldn't get out of your stinking thinking.

What's more, they couldn't see you. They didn't have the kindness enough to let you go, even when they desperately wanted freedom. They couldn't see letting you go in the long term would have been better for both of you. What they saw was it was going to hurt so they decided to stay. Holding on through their own confusion about what they wanted, all you did was provide them a level of comfort in their fear. It doesn't matter what type of comfort it was positive or negative, staying was easier than confronting themselves. At the same time, you stayed because you couldn’t confront yourself. Once I stepped out of the cycle, I started to see my own worth. It took me a while to start loving myself, set my boundaries, raise my standards bar so I will never have to repeat this cycle again.

However, there are times a devil sits on your shoulder whispering in your ear, as you stare in the mirror at yourself. Mine came yesterday morning - following the first thought of the day, I am single because I know my worth. The next thing that came were a plethora of happy and good songs making me smile and dance. By clearly stating that I am not going to wear masks, change myself, or dye my hair to entice a man into my life I had found courage to be me. Reasoning... if they can see me as I am, not this fake thing... they show me their worth. As I got ready, I noticed I was not seeing my beauty.

Here is what I heard and saw:

He got himself another girl.

Why can't I be beautiful enough for a guy.

He didn't want me, I am ugly

I don't look good.

I also noticed:

My anger

My sadness

The story he told me by his actions

AND the story I told me by my thoughts

I was so wrapped up in the red thread of my perspective that I locked my keys in the car, while it was running. I am NOT that story. Newsflash... did you notice that all those thoughts and feelings were an EXTERNAL LOCUS of control? Those events, that story - it’s not mine. I was allowing what HE did to affect me. I chose for me, not him. He doesn't get to dictate how I feel about me. No more! I make that choice, I am ME not who he, or anyone else for that matter, wants. Just like he doesn't have the right to put me BACK into a third-party situation, he doesn't have the right to make me feel less about myself. And there you have it folks, the train that took off from the station is YOU. Your thoughts from an external action caused YOU to think these things. You ALLOWED this again, it is your fears controlling you. Do you want to keep acting out the same chapter in your life, or recognize that your story is what drives you? Perhaps it’s time to look at how to stop allowing others (really it is yourself) to control how you feel your worth?

It’s time to face some facts:

• What is it about the situation that is really bothering you?

• Is this really you, or something someone did that made you feel less than worthy?

• If they made you feel less than worthy why did it make you feel that way? (YOU NOT THEM)

• Is this the only time you felt unworthy from something others did? (Backtrack through the past, identify each time you felt unworthy in the same situation. Who was it with, and what were the factors that you allowed?)

• Why did you allow the action to change how you felt about yourself? (Were you seeking affection, attention, love?)

• What role does your conditioning play in this lack of worth? (Social media, the love story we tell ourselves is real, marketing advertisements that show normative good-looking individuals as desirable, the sense of duty to how we see relationships, etc.)

• What could you have done to change the story in the past?

• What can you do to change the story now?

• During each stage of these questions ask yourself, were there red flags that told you this was not quite right for you?

• Ask yourself what did your emotional state tell you? (Anger directly opposite sadness was a sure sign that I was not aligned with my true self.)

For me, this story has gone on far too long. I recognize my worth does not come from others, but from deep inside self. Every time I allow another person’s actions to affect how I view myself in that mirror, I am giving my power away to another person. I am letting their actions change how I view myself and I am not going to let me get me any longer.

Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

http://gwendythedigger.wixsite.com/gwendy-the-digger/spiritual-journeys