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Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

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On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

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Judgmental versus Value Judgement

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Nov 10, 2017
  • 2 min read

I’m a Virgo, so I can be hella Judgmental. I mean I can be REALLY critical of people in general - especially when I’m not aligned (in tune with myself) correctly. Frequently I find myself in a position of asking if I am being judgmental or am I looking at the situation from a value judgment. What is the difference you ask?


Being Judgmental involves not seeing the other person and making a choice, while a Value Judgment includes seeing the other person along with your own morals and standards and making a choice between the two. Being Judgmental for example means looking at a person’s clothing seeing a hole in an inappropriate place and thinking (or saying) that outfit sucks. On the other hand, a Value Judgement would be looking at a person’s clothing and seeing a hole in an inappropriate place and thinking (or saying) I can help you repair that.

I recall saying during the marriage frequently, “Why do you always switch the topics back to you?” in a mean and nasty sort of way (Judgmental). While looking back, I also recall saying, “If you want them to do better in school you’ll have to spend time with them on their homework because they don’t want me to sit with them - they want you.” (Value Judgment)


There is a line between both, and that line is a feeling. If you are all irritated and upset while speaking, its being Judgmental, while the other is a semi-peaceful and understanding feeling. Being Judgmental is Ego based, and typically occurs while finger pointing.


Ask these questions:

  • Am I in Ego, about to point fingers?

  • Am I going to say this because I am irritated, or because I have a moral standard behind it?

  • Is it a combination of the two, if so where is my value in the statement? (then focus on the value while you talk)

Here I must tell you, that a Value Judgment can turn to being Judgmental if the situation isn’t addressed correctly. (Speak YOUR Truth – Communication at its best)


Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

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