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Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

Riding the Cycle (Karma Kicks)

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Nov 10, 2017
  • 2 min read

In spirituality they talk about Cycles, you repeat things over and over until you learn the lesson from it. It reminds me of how the lyrics play out in Queen’s “Bicycle Race,” a response for everything said, followed by get on your bike and ride. Most races are conducted in big circles, and can be hilly, mountainous, with waterways – in short hazardous and troubled. A friend reminded me, that doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Yet, I found myself in the same situation twice… what was it with me? At the same time there is this thing called Karma, the idea that what you put out you get back threefold. (We see this in the mirror scenario as well). Cycles and Karma are both wheels, always turning. With cycles being on the inside of the Karmic Wheel. (If this is not the case, I would be open to discussion on the location of cycles in the Wheel of Change)


In Cycles however there is a discernable pattern, opposed to Karma where the good or bad return a good or bad (if you have an emotional affair while married to someone you will have that happen to you later, as it did from my first to my second marriage). In my life I recognized an overall large pattern, in that I was willing to sacrifice myself to be loved because I wanted love so badly, instead of saying no – you aren’t my type, or this does not line up with my values. But how do you recognize the pattern?


Ask yourself this:

  • Do you find yourself in the same situations in a repetitive way?

  • Do you find you are attracted to the same types of things that result in a negative outcome for you?

  • Do you always feel the same way after a certain situation? (This is usually during an interaction with another individual resulting in a less than happy feeling inside.)

  • Do you always chase after things and not get them?

Once you have found the pattern you can take steps to correct the cycle. In short, if you notice you always have a cigarette after a meal stop having the cigarette after the meal and you won’t repeat the pattern. (Easier said than done I know)


Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

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