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Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

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On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

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Three Finger Rule in Finger Pointing

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Nov 6, 2017
  • 2 min read

At the beginning, you go through something so terrible that you have either been left or have yourself left another person. Be it a friend, your children, spouse, business partners, etc. There is a great deal of anxiety, anger, hatred, bitterness. You’re sitting in your poopoo. Pointing your fingers at the other person, and saying… “But he did…”, and “She was not…”, worse yet “That mother (cuss word inserted here) just (another cuss word inserted here) ruined (still another cuss word) ….”


STOP RIGHT THERE

Anything that makes an accusation against another person is out right finger pointing. It does not matter whether it is true or not. You just labeled another person, point blank.

What happens when you point a finger physically? Three of those fingers are pointing right back at you, right?


Before you go throwing your words around (which typically happens before you start throwing your dishes at your husband, or weight behind your fist) STOP, LISTEN TO YOURSELF IN YOUR MIND.





Ask these questions:

  • What is it that you are going to say?

  • Would you want it to be said about you?

  • What part did you play in the series of events? (Be honest, I mean really honest here… you are going to have to call yourself out)

  • What really bothered you about the event? (Again, boil this down to the bottom line… was it a value judgement the person crossed, a belief system, conditioning as a child… what was it that set you off?)

  • What can you change about the current situation? (Can you calm down, walk away, tell the other person you need your space to calm down and think in a rational way?)

  • If you say it, what is the absolute worst that can happen? (Will you permanently loose the friend, spouse, partner, and if that is the case how would you really feel about that?)

You may have to do this several times until you stop pointing that finger at the other person and really look at yourself. By practicing this technique, you reach the first stage in mindfulness, and I might add maturity.


Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

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