top of page

Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

​

On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

Search

When Absolem cries “Whoooo… are…. YOU?”

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Nov 10, 2017
  • 2 min read

In some versions of Alice in Wonderland, the hooka smoking caterpillar on the mushroom is named Absolem. In Hebrew the meaning of the name is “my father is peace.” This caterpillar however is anything but peaceful. He demands that you tell him who you are, yells at you before puffing up in smoke and becoming a butterfly, then gives you little pieces of advice such as one side will make you bigger, and the other smaller (meaning the mushroom). When you boil it all down, Absolem is really you seeking to find yourself – so you can find peace. Some of us are fortunate enough to know mostly who they are, while others never really fit in anywhere but hid behind the conditioning of their youth to be accepted while giving their power away. I fit into the second class. With no clue who I was, I entered relationship after relationship giving my power away to the other to be loved and accepted (Shadow Self – the Nefarious and Elusive Snipe). “Where would you like to eat out at?”, would result in me saying “Wherever you would like.” Then expressing displeasure in some of the locations – the outcome was “You never like where I choose, you are so hard to please.”


Asking yourself who you are seems so daunting. It did for me at first. I mean really… who are you? (Try it, can you define yourself in less than 5 minutes without struggling?) Others said to find who you are, go back to your childhood and discover what it was everyone told you not to be. So, I tried it, I still cannot dance in a Mall like when I was nine just for the sheer joy of hearing the beat of the music. I did rediscover my love of drawing, and writing. But is that who I really am? Absolem’s advice was one side makes you larger, and the other smaller, meaning YOU are the things that make you feel whole, not the ones that make you feel less than.


To find out who you are ask these:

  • Does the event/interaction with another/place make you feel good about yourself, or not quite right with yourself?

  • Are you happy with the outcome of the occasion? (Remember Judgmental & Value Judgment can also be applied to yourself)

  • Did you give your power away? (not speaking your truth, or stay in your shadow self)

  • What and who are your drawn to?

  • What are your likes and dislikes about a person/place/thing?

Pay attention to your insides, along with your feelings. These will tell you if you are close to who you are.


Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

Recent Posts

See All
Porpoise for Purpose

The harder you dig for this, the less you know. Website after website, book after book all tell you various means to find your purpose,...

 
 
 
Security is an Illusion

We all want security, to be free from care and protected. Some seek it in money, others protection from the environment, most seek it in...

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page