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Hi Gwen!

Spiritual Journey to Unconditional Love

​

On November 7, 2017 it will be exactly 11 months since my dark journey began.  At that time my soul was broken, incredible sadness and loss at the destruction of my marriage.  What began with blame and finger pointing, turned to shame and guilt, then deep sadness at the things I could not change about myself.  Transmuted to attempts to tear down walls I had built for protection.  All of this in an effort to understand the greatest gift of all, unconditional love.  Every step of this process involved the discovery of a new talent to be exercised for my betterment.  I feel the need to share my journey with others, so that when YOU meet loss, you too will have a place to start.  In laymen’s terms – what does it look like to remove your ego, how do you recognize the mirror, what really is that still small voice you hear, and how do you listen to it. 

 

Keep forever in your mind, that I know absolutely nothing, other than what I have gone through.  I am not an expert, I fall down, fail in my attempts, am inconsistent, and make mistakes like the rest of us.  I hope that this can be a place for others to come and share their thoughts on their healing journey.  I am open to discussion on other options and ways to heal (I love learning).  I will not tolerate bashing, I will not be vilified for my thoughts and beliefs, nor do I allow others to experience the same within this framework.  Nor will I hold your hands, your journey is after all your journey in life.  What I have to offer may not be for you, however you will have to do the work required to heal yourself if you wish to heal. 

 

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You Don’t Mean Anything You Say Before “But”

  • Writer: Wendy S. Hockenberry
    Wendy S. Hockenberry
  • Nov 10, 2017
  • 2 min read

In discussions with others, I try to play the devil’s advocate, using the words “but,” “however,” “yet,” finding it useful especially during intellectual conversations. These words highlight the pro’s and con’s, a one side versus the other side argument between an issue, or people. Often playing this role, I was able to see sides of an issue I had been unable to recognize previously. While useful, I have often found myself in states of confusion about what I should do in different situations because I am seeking the balance between the two sides.


Now re-read the above! Two words should stick out for you, “argument” and “confusion.” If you didn’t see it, got back and read it again.


People typically don’t mean anything they say before those words. When you use the word “but,” you are just following your ass. Let me explain by example.


“I still love him, BUT he posted a dating profile, so he could get attention from other women more than once.”


“I want to be with him, BUT he told me his ex-girlfriend was better than I was while he was still married to me and hiding he was chatting her up.”


“I really screwed this marriage up, BUT I didn’t know I should have shown him more attention after he posted himself on the dating sites.”


Newsflash, if these conversations are running around in your head it is a sure sign your mind is muddled. When this happens, you could be in Ego or Judgmental versus Value Judgement states. Pay attention to the language in the self-talk, as some of the things running around your mighty brain are reprehensible in nature.


Ask yourself these questions:

  • What came before the word “but?”

  • What thoughts are represented after the word “but?”

  • Are the words after “but” Ego, Judgmental, or a Value Judgement?

  • Are the words after “but” negative self-talk?

The words after “but” help you master your choices. It does not matter what the situation is, or the issue. The words after “but” are how you truly feel and should address.


Last Updated June 11, 2018

For further treatment on this series please go to:

 
 
 

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